i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
