I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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