He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
