I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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