weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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