Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
