so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
