i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
