How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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