I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
