what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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