That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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