What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
