he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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