P.S. I can't hear my feet
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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