And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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