If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My feet surprised me
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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