I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
