So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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