A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
