You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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