I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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