Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
