There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
