Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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