I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
