white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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