he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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