I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
