the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
