It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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