Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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