sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
