have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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