I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
