Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
