I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
