I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
