If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
