please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
