Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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