Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
