This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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