her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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