she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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