My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
