then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
