omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
