NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
