I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think my tv is drunk
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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